**toilet water**

Well, i feel really really mad at Audrey right now because I think that if it was a choice between something that i really really needed her there for and just hanging out with her boyfriend that she would choose him. Now, generally, i wouldn't have a problem with her picking him over me. I understand that he's her boyfriend and that they're in love and so on and so forth. But i really needed her for something tonight, and this is something I told her about weeks ago and reminded her about, so i feel really really betrayed having her not even call me and tell me that she's going to ditch me and go to a movie with her boyfriend. The only friend i have who i can trust is Krystal, and she's all the way in freaking Mexico. I feel that Krystal is the only one who wouldn't leave me stranded because of a boy. Lacy would, Audrey might not have a while ago, but i think she would now. I just don't know what to do. Do you get more friends? But how would I go about doing that? And it's basically inevitable that all of your friends eventually get boyfriends, what are you then? Just the fifth wheel who hangs around with them while they're all pretending to watch the movie and are really just making out? It's kind of pathetic I think that we can hardly go one night without calling boys to come over. What happened to female independence? To having the boys being the ones who call us? What happened to not needing the boys in order to have a good time? I feel like I'm surrounded by people who can't justify their existence without men, and that makes me feel weird. It makes me feel that it means i should have a boy, but at the same time it disgusts me because I don't want to be one of those people who needs a boy. It doesn't help that I don't think myself capable of getting one...but i don't even know how to try because it's so far out of my element. Boys are not one of those things that rank high on my priority list. School, Work, Career, those are thinks that have rank. Boys are down under Toilet Paper or something like that. It's just not something that matters a ton to me, though it seems to matter a lot to some of my friends. I mean, are our lists of priorities so different that hanging out with them has become kind of a...dare I say, waste of my time? I don't want it to be a waste, but at the same time, we don't have a lot in common anymore. I just don't know what to do about. Maybe I'll e-mail this all to Krystal or something like that and see what she thinks about it all. I feel like they're all moving in a direction in their lives that is not remotely close to the one i am moving in