Blue Veins

Tonight has been a decent evening at work. I am so glad that I only have one more evening shift after today before 4 days off. I am eager to see the people that I do not see during the week. I really miss Christa though. I hope she comes up for a while this summer, and it would be awesome if she came camping with us.

I'm still waiting to see what Audrey wants for a house warming present. And I miss Sarah's b-day BBQ tomorrow. Bummer.

I put on music tonight and that seems to have calmed my brain somewhat. I like calm brain, it's much nicer than my usual thinking of a thousand things all at once non-stop brain. I am so tired of being at work that I can barely type accurately. Ugh. Awfulness.

I cannot wait for the canoes for ski-to-sea on Sunday. Totally my favorite part of that race. The canoe paddlers are such cards. I hope it doesn't get canceled because they decide that the river is to high like they did last year. Because I was all prepared to watch them last year and then they canceled it and I was bummed. This year though, I shall tell them that there must be a canoe leg. Because I need it yo.

I feel like making something epic. But I do not know what I could make that is epic. So I'll just settle for puzzling it out right now. Maybe I should make an epic scarf. Or work on my cross stitch stuff somemore. I find needle work very relaxing, but not something you should do when you are uber tired.

Til later party people.

Comatose...

I've decided to move back to this blog over here just because I like the feel of it better than livejournal. Livejournal feels way to commercial now, especially if you don't want to pay for any of their services. Don't get me wrong, I'll still check in over there from time to time on my friends list, but I probably won't post.

I've just been feeling the need to blog lately. I don't know where it comes from. I'd say that 80% of the time journaling for my own self is enough. (Heaven forbid anyone ever try to read my journals in chronological order, because I switch books as the mood strikes me, it's a weakness, what can I say?)

It's becoming summer slowly here in the Northwest and I love it so much. Each day brings new and exciting plants to life and bloom and all the greatness. I just like to sit outside and enjoy it. However, I'm in the middle of an 8 day stretch at work that I signed up for like and idiot and I'm exhausted and thus not really enjoying much of anything.

I went to an Evelyn Evelyn/Amanda Palmer/Jason Webley/Sxip Shirey concert last week and it was amazing. It was so much fun. I have never felt so much in touch with everyone in the venue. It was great. Especially since it thinned out a bit at the end and all that was left were the people who felt like this was the place that they wanted to be. It was epic. It was something I would do again, anytime, anywhere. It made me feel so great. And you know it's an excellent show when you come away feeling better about yourself and like you've just been seriously entertained.

So, struggling with a lot of people issues lately. Just feeling alone and like I have no one to do stuff with. Which is usually largely my own fault because I don't call people and just dumb shit like that. And I don't feel appreciated, even though I know that it isn't true that I'm not appreciated. I'm trying to figure out who I don't feel appreciated by, and it's not anyone that I can put my finger on, it's just my vague feeling of meh-ness. I want to run away sometimes, but I don't really. Because running away would be hard and I don't feel like I ever do anything hard anymore. Grrrr...I also think it's because I don't have enough music. I need more music. And more art. I always wonder why I don't paint or carve or sculpt or do anything like that. And I'm finding more and more people annoying at work and getting really easily aggravated (which could also be the working 8 days in a row thing).

I just don't know what I want to do right now. I want to do everything and that's paralyzing me so that I end up doing nothing.

Frustration.

Of tents and men

So, nothing big going on. It's finally summer. I bought a tent today so that...

#1. I can sleep outside

#2. I can easily go camping

#3. I have something that people can live (or almost live) in that's purely mine.

Only downside is that you can't really play a playstation in there...well you can if you bring your TV and playstation to it i guess. That would probably be doable. But doesn't that defeat the whole idea of being outdoors? Either way, i like it yo. Now I just have to wait for Amazon to deliver it...probably sometime next week, either wednesday or friday, or possibly the monday after that...who knows, all i know is that it will be here before spectacle lake and that's really all that matters, yo.

Otherwise I spend all of my time playing FFXII lately. It really is a good game, and the last FF I will be able to play until I get myself a PS3. Which will likely be a while since I have to move out first. That's okay, cuz I do believe that they are still putting out PS2 games...It's when Naughty Dawg finally get another game out that it will become truly difficult for me to hold back. I love those guys...I'll love them even more if they make another Jak game with a better plot than Jak X. I know there's more plot out there, they left it open for so much more. SO MUCH MORE. Damn them and their not making of one. Other than that there definitely needs to be more monkey island...becuase there just hasn't been a new one in far to long...or another afterlife type of sim...there's black and white, but that's not really very after lifey...it's much more god likey

Higher Ground

So, Lennon is busy straddling the sofa. Mary is playing guitar hero, and i'm here to type on my blog. Blog...I remember when they were almost totally for personal use back in the early days of livejournal and deadjournal. You didn't run the risk of having some crazy corporation spamming you with offers through your blog and you didn't have to worry about people finding it and spamming your own blog everywhere, it was for you and the people you chose to share it with. If I think about computers have changed a lot since I first started using...Hell, I remember when I have five and we used Dosshell. That was long ago in a much simpler world. I wouldn't even know how to get there using microsoft vista...I use to know how in '98, but not anymore. The system is to complicated and has to many back ground programs anymore. But where would we be without it? Well, people would still write letters by hand which would be nice. Because I honestly do love a hand written letter.

July 22 is when Eric is supposed to get married to this girl that we've all met once. She seems very nice, but it just worries me that he's going to get a year and a half into this thing and be completely unhappy. What happens then? He doesn't believe in divorce, so he's just stuck with her for the rest of his life? That doesn't seem fair to either of them.

My dad is retiring from farming which seems very strange as well. What will he do with himself is something that I think every one is wondering. I think that he'll be happy, or more happy than he is now, once he is retired. He'll have time to do things that he likes to do. Mom feels like everyone is blaming her. I'm pretty sure she didn't sneak around in the night and put compression fractures in his back. It wasn't her fault that he fell out of a silo a long time ago thus probably compromising the entire structure of his spine and that he has arthritis in it as well.

Anyway, that's about all I have to rant about for right now. Last final tomorrow and then i'm free all summer long. It'll be joyous.

shoo bee doo bee doooo

so here i am sitting at my desk at work once again and pondering what i think of the world...i talked to audrey tonight again about her and jack, and how jack thinks he knows what's best for her (which would be breaking up with him, so James Dean "I'm a bad man" like) and Audrey knows that she wants to stay together with him, no matter how long she has to wait, but Jack can't really accept that. I think that if she keeps telling him that she's not leaving he's going to get it eventually. I just hope that the stuff that Derek heard about isn't true, I know how things have a way of getting twisted when they are told to him, but sometimes he is right.

Lacy I'm also worried about, she gets really depressed when she's drunk and that's not a good thing, like she's fine when she's around a lot of people but as soon as she's alone or one on one she starts to spiral down into a not good place. It's things like that that cause me to worry about people.

I'm also worried about Eric and his fishing boat this summer, it just doesn't seem like a place that he'd be. And there are a lot of accidents that can happen on a fishing boat. Lots of accidents do happen and I hope that for his sake and Rachel's none of those things happen to him. I like Rachel, I hope that if she and Eric do get married that they make it work for the long run, I'd like to see that. It would also give Eric something constant to depend on, but I also think that it would be a blow to Lacy, because Eric was a make-out buddy and what it comes down to is that it's just another guy who's leaving her for a younger girl or something like that. Poor girl, I often think Lacy perceives things that happen as slights to her personally, which they rarely ever are, though they might be sometimes, but she takes everything much to personally on the whole.

I'm glad I don't really have to worry about Krystal and Josh at this point. They are pretty solid in how they feel about eachother, and what speed and where they want to take their relationship. I know that a lot of the time Krystal and Josh make Lacy and Audrey feel bad because they are so happy together and Lacy doesn't have that, and Audrey doesn't have it currently with Jack with all the troubles that they're going through right now. But I'm over that point of being jealous of other people's relationships. Krystal and Josh are really good about not rubbing it in other people's faces, I think. Lacy's relationships always bother me because i think she does have a tendency to rub it in people's faces that she has someone and you don't. It's not even directly, but just the way she acts.

I'm a little worried about Sarah and her need of a boy who knows what he's doing and where he's going and exactly what he wants out of a relationship with her. She says she's sick of guys who don't know. And i'm worried about mary and her self-esteem, there's only so much i can build her up, those people she hangs out with keep tearing down all my hard work and she knows it too. She tells me that they are making her self-esteem less and all i have to tell her is to stop hanging out with them, but then who is she supposed to hang out with she asks me, and i honestly don't know. There's always Brent. But Brent hangs out with Zach and Zach and Mary can't stand each other. GARG.

Anyway, AFI has a new CD coming out next month that i'm pretty excited about, i may just have to go back to my Emo/Goth days to enjoy the finer aspects of it...hopefully this transition will not be accompanied by the black hair, because it really looks awful on me! (yay, i can finally admit that). I think I like AFI because it always seems like you're a part of something much larger than just yourself. And that means a lot to me that the band likes to keep it that way, I think it's a very important aspect of their appeal.

THE END

things that go bump in the hospital

so, i totally am completely at a loss about what to do about the whole Eric situation...i want to do something, but i don't know that i can because he's really the one who needs to come out and be like "i said some shit about you guys, and i feel really bad about it, i just wanted you to know" he doesn't need to specify what it was, he just needs to apologize, and then he needs to make things right with Ryan because that was a really shitty thing he did to him. I just don't know that he's even considered a friend anymore, and i know deep down, that he's not, and maybe he never was, not to me at least, i mean...just one of those people who you always think you're close to and then one day it hits you that you're not really...and then you don't know what to do about it because how can you make something that was never there better...and does Rachel know about him making out with Lacy while or just before they supposedly started going out? i feel so bad for that girl because i'm sure that he thinks he loves her until something better comes along, or something shiny and new...i just don't think there's really anything i can do about the whole situation except watch it implode at a distance...and then maybe try to help pick up the pieces, if i'm even allowed
i just want to sit him down at coffee and tell him everything that we know that he's said because of various people having a big mouth...and i want to tell him not to get mad at him because someone would have told us eventually and he should realize that's true about everything that he says...but i miss the boy and i don't really know what to do about it...i feel so helpless in this situation...agh...

and the world spins on...

So, party planning not so much what i'm good at...got some people coming that i don't exactly want to come, but hopefully they won't stay that long. Sarah is dealing with Chris Hadley again, which is stupid. I just want people like that to go away. It's going to be an interesting night. I don't know how i'm going to get people to park were i want them to park but i'm going to try my bestest. I can't believe that i have to work another 12 hours tomorrow...at least it's money though, right? and money is what makes me fix my car. Got an interesting book today. It's called Fondling Your Muse, it's a humourous book about how to write a novel. Though most of it is humour there is a little bit of advice to be found in it. And that's very good. because advice is what i need. I might actually see if there's a writing a novel for dummies book because i would like some info on writing more well rounded characters. I need to continue on with the novel that i half finished for nanowrimo. I would really like to get that one published in teen fiction. I think i could sell a few. Perhaps not a best seller, but definitely something. That would be good. I could possibly bring in some royalties off of it and that would help with the finances a little. mmm...finances

All work and no play...

so i've been working over 12 hours the last two days and it's hard, much harder than i ever thought i would be, not so much the work itself but the dragging yourself out of bed at 4:30am to milk cows, and then dragging yourself to sit behind a desk for another 8 hours...doing stuff that's pretty much mindless...i am apparently a genius though according to the people at the hospital to be able to do as much as i can already, it's good to be complemented...mmmhmmm...i need to go to bed now however, because that's a good place to go when you have to work in the morning. Mom and Dad are having fun in hawaii which is good

Oh yes, Yes I do.

so...I don't know if i mentioned but i have an exciting new job. I did also talk to Audrey today. And i feel a little bit better about the whole thing. Other than that i don't know.

I'm supposed to be having this party, and i desperately wish to keep it small, but Mary keeps asking if she can invite all these people, and if i invite those people i need to invite yet more people...and i don't really want to. I want to keep it small. I mean like 10, MAYBE 12 people. That many are easy to manage and we have enough beds for them. But we're getting up into the maybe 17 range, and that makes me uncomfortable because i have to milk the next morning and work the next afternoon. So i think i'm going to say no to more people, it's just to much.

Eric is back up and he hasn't hung out with us once which isn't a huge surprise since he's all mister i'm gonna get married. That's so weird, i don't think he should do it, the girl is much to innocent for him and in about 3 years they're not going to be having any fun anymore and knowing eric he'll stay married just for the kids and then he'll be dooming himself to the life off his parents.

Ryan, don't even get me started, he's so weird, he thinks he's allowed to be way more cozy with girls than he should be and then doesn't ever realize that they don't want thim that close, need i explain anymore why i'm not inviting him?

Greg...Greg is someone i would have invited 6 months ago just because I feel pity for him. But that was before camp where he decided that my sister was the hugest flirt ever and totally led him on. Now i find him annoying because his ridiculous need for a girlfriend is consuming him...i swear it's all he ever thinks about and he's very bitter towards people who have a significant other and are happy. I don't think i really want to deal with him when he's drunk, i'm scared of what he might try to pull on my little sisters, or my friends since he cut Jack with a box top the other day. I am slightly concerned about him, but he's had plenty of chances to get a girlfriend, he's just to blinded by what he wants to see it. He wants a pretty pretty girl, maybe that's not what he's meant to have. He just makes me very angry, and him drunk is not my idea of a fun night, especially since i have to get up at 4:30 and go milk cows. I want to keep it fairly low key.

I seem to be having problems with everyone lately don't i? I just think it's that time of year. The time of year when i have infinite problems. I need to shock the hot tub before the 21st as well. Okay...i'm done and i'm going now. I get to sleep in tomorrow and i should savor the days while i have them

L'America

So, listening to the Doors, and basically just chilling, got up at 4:30am and milked cows...i don't think it's going to be that bad while dad is gone. Two cows came fresh today, mad cow and some heifer...that's the only part i'm worried about because we have to CMT them and stuff like that. I still think that my priorities are way different than anyone elses in the group of people that i hang out in. (Hyacinth House::The Doors) It's just kind of weirding me out right now. I know that i need to write the second half of that novel. And I'm already thinking about what I can write for next year. I'm thinking something modernistic instead of something that's fantasy. I think that might actually be a little easier. Murder mystery or something like that maybe. I have a few ideas floating around in my head and i should probably get them down on paper. Just sketch them out, i think that's allowed before November. And I can always write background stories...I have to stop typing now though because my mum wants the computer. (L.A. Woman::The Doors)

**toilet water**

Well, i feel really really mad at Audrey right now because I think that if it was a choice between something that i really really needed her there for and just hanging out with her boyfriend that she would choose him. Now, generally, i wouldn't have a problem with her picking him over me. I understand that he's her boyfriend and that they're in love and so on and so forth. But i really needed her for something tonight, and this is something I told her about weeks ago and reminded her about, so i feel really really betrayed having her not even call me and tell me that she's going to ditch me and go to a movie with her boyfriend. The only friend i have who i can trust is Krystal, and she's all the way in freaking Mexico. I feel that Krystal is the only one who wouldn't leave me stranded because of a boy. Lacy would, Audrey might not have a while ago, but i think she would now. I just don't know what to do. Do you get more friends? But how would I go about doing that? And it's basically inevitable that all of your friends eventually get boyfriends, what are you then? Just the fifth wheel who hangs around with them while they're all pretending to watch the movie and are really just making out? It's kind of pathetic I think that we can hardly go one night without calling boys to come over. What happened to female independence? To having the boys being the ones who call us? What happened to not needing the boys in order to have a good time? I feel like I'm surrounded by people who can't justify their existence without men, and that makes me feel weird. It makes me feel that it means i should have a boy, but at the same time it disgusts me because I don't want to be one of those people who needs a boy. It doesn't help that I don't think myself capable of getting one...but i don't even know how to try because it's so far out of my element. Boys are not one of those things that rank high on my priority list. School, Work, Career, those are thinks that have rank. Boys are down under Toilet Paper or something like that. It's just not something that matters a ton to me, though it seems to matter a lot to some of my friends. I mean, are our lists of priorities so different that hanging out with them has become kind of a...dare I say, waste of my time? I don't want it to be a waste, but at the same time, we don't have a lot in common anymore. I just don't know what to do about. Maybe I'll e-mail this all to Krystal or something like that and see what she thinks about it all. I feel like they're all moving in a direction in their lives that is not remotely close to the one i am moving in

**sound of water from the sink**

So, lately, not much has been happening in the exciting life of Grace. I graduate from the local community college next quarter and then i'm waiting till fall quarter in order to move on to Big People College as I like to refer to it as...everything seems to be moving so fast. I have so many fall back plans if i end up unable to do what i really want to do. I could start a book store with my minor in business and my vast interest in books of all sorts. I could start a bed and breakfast with my friends. There's so many things. Though i'm thinking that what i would really like to do for a few years out of college is go and work in a museum. Just catalogging and examining whatever i happen to come across.

I got some awesome perfume. It's from a place called Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs, though I ordered it from someone who had the samples and didn't want them (she sent me an extra because she's super spiffy!) So now i smell like Eden and i really like the scent on me. Mary is going to love Anne Bonny, because it's very patchouli like with undertones of whatever else. All i can smell is the Eden and it's wonderful. Sgt. Pepper is busy whining because he wants to go outside and i won't let him because he just got all clean. He's very loud and whiney and i think i should throw him upstairs. I also got my copy of (hardcover) Kushiel's Dart today, so it was basically like Christmas early with all the packages that i was opening.

Other than that things in the people area are good. Audrey's insistence on going nowhere with out Jack is beginning to annoy me a tad, but it's something i can deal with . It's like they are glued together at the hip and it's annoying to me, but i'm uncertain as to exactly why. Lacy still bothers me most of the time. She's so weird all of the time and she's like "Male attention!" and then she's like "EW BOYS!"

Bunch of Weirdos

It's cold in Antarctica

Here I am, writing in this…I just don’t know what to say.  I feel like people are annoyed with me, but I can’t get anyone to talk to me about it because they keep avoiding me.  Getting it cleared up would really help me out, but I can’t do it if they just keep avoiding me.  I hate that a little about people.  But I’ll deal with it, what else can I do?  

I didn't come here for that

Things have been good after camp. Well, for the most part. There is the whole current issue of the Eric/Lacy thing. They think that no one knows that they like to make out and whatever else with each other when they think no one's paying attention, alas, a few months ago Lacy told me that her and Eric make out (but she told me like she expected it to hurt me or something, which I thought was rather weird) It's taken a while, but everyone knows because they aren't very careful about it, and neither of them will admit to it despite our increasingly less subtle hints. It's really frustrating, I found these "Laws of friedship" thing in a magazine, one said what the tributes of a good friend were, and the other side of the table said the tributes of a bad friend, i found that Lacy matched more of the tributes on the bad side, overly aggressive, not willing to come out to help you when you need it. It made me wonder if she even knows that she's doing these things...

Also I've recently began my work out regime again (less of a regime and more of a "I feel like working out" type thing) and it feels good to get back on that wagon, and maybe it will help with the insomnia i've been suffering from lately, who knows

Get the Great Abs you deserve!

So, went to camp this week, it was pretty awesome. Just for those of us reading this, Camp Horizon is a camp for the disabled were I am a counselor. It's an awesome experience and makes you super greatful for all that you have. So anyway, this week I had my second favorite camper ever, Jessica, she's really sweet and doesn't talk all that much, but she loves music and any type of singing especially preschool songs. So she's super cool. Though I said something about how I had volunteered to take Jessica, and she thought I meant that no one else wanted to look after Jessica, which wasn't the case, I just get first dibs because I had her last year, so I know her behaviors better. Jessica was awesome this year, her behaviors have changed quite a bit, she's a lot better and talks a lot more and also likes to sing along. Other than that we have a lot of new ACs (Assistant Counselors) and most of them are pretty good, such as my little sister, Audrey's little bro and his friend Zach, the twins Michael and Eric, and Ed's friend that he brought with him, Aaron. As for some of the other ACs, there's a lot of room for improvement from Stevie B, Toddles needs to go home and not come back because he doesn't do his job at all and he does things that he really shouldn't. And is really annoying to all of the counselors. As for all the new girls except Felix, they're really rather annoying and kind of stupid, they have a big thing for Ed and Aaron over in Dorm B so they stand in front of they're windows naked and lots of people see them and are like "What the hell?" the cooks think we should take pictures and send them to their parents. Either way they're really annoying and enjoy causing drama and things like that, so we avoid them. gah...it's so frustrating...but that's about it...at least all I have to say right now

What is the sound of one fan...fanning?

Yes, I know, I'm not really overly consistent at this blogging thing, I really try to be. I lay there at night in my bed and think "I should really get up and write something on my blog since I can't sleep" and then I roll over. Anywho...here's what has gone down in the past few days.

I think last time I posted on here was after Saturday night of a week or two ago, so I'll give up the horrible news that my best friends dog died Tuesday morning and she was, and still is, devastated. Though if she keeps her mind off of it she doesn't cry. She found Daisy, her 9 year old Yorkshire Terrier, in the laundry room lying in her own puke. Daisy was never really a healthy dog to begin with, she had almost all the things wrong with her that a pure bred Yorkie can have wrong with them. They had to take out all of her teeth a few years ago, and she never could keep her tongue in her mouth after that. Audrey's trying to hold it together, and she's doing pretty good.

Other than that Jack is kind of freaking out because we're all going away to camp in a week and he's going to be left all alone. Except for the people that he used to hang out with, but all they do is drink, and he doesn't want to fall into that again, were he's drinking everynight just to be drunk. He's come to realize that he's kind of an alcoholic, which at 18 can't be to good. So he's feeling a lot of stress about other stuff right now as well. Poor boy.

And I know things about other people. I just still don't know what to do about Lacy. I just don't. I mean, I don't know that I can really prove she's been stretching the truth without involving everyone in it and then she's going to feel like we're all attacking her. Gah, what to do? I wish I had all the answers and 20-20 foresight so I could look at all the possible outcomes of a situation and then i would know if it was worth it. Or at least plan accordingly.

In other news, Jack has decided to invite Grahm to the next Pt. party...this secretly makes me want to scream in fear and excitement...I don't know what to do, I don't know what this means...I'm afraid to see him in a social setting because then i'll have to be social and I'm not really social at parties, I'm just the person that ends up helping everyone into bed or to the bathroom...I think Jack is doing it on purpose because he knows I like Grahm. It's scary to have people try to help you with your love life. It's scary to have people that care that much.

Did you guys say you wanted your car back or you wanted it impounded?

So...tonight was very horribly drama filled kind of. The night started out pleasant enough with all of us just chillin' in Audrey's room and playing guitar while Audrey was out talking to Vanessa. Nessa had to talk to her about what went down with her and Eric and how she didn't like it at all and she wanted to sort it all out. Later after Nessa came over Bryce, Jack, Danelle, and Barrett came over. None of them like Eric and this was made apparrent through out the night. Eric eventually left feeling bad for him, and Lacy left to because she was feeling bad for him (and hadn't realized that she had told Bryce it was okay to harass him, which I did as well since it would allow him to let off some much needed steam instead of having a full out fight)

So that was the whole night and Audrey was stressing out. I think her and Jack might be a little argh with eachother. I hope they are both okay. And I hope that they can work through this and be okay. All of this causes me some stress. Though I'm getting better at not letting it cause me stress and just trying to run around and decrease stress in everyone else. Of course there are people who increase the stress, such as whenever Jack and Danelle are together and talking about Eric they both start to get very angry and I try to defuse them both, but it's a lot harder with two of them than just one of them.

So that's the deal about it. I don't know how it's all going to go down this summer, it's really going to be a huge stress on Audrey. I hope I can help her with it, mostly I hope she lets me help her with it. **Sigh** she is one of my best friends...

It's not really a party til someone's foaming at the mouth

I've had a good start to the weekend how about you all out in the intarweb? Today Nate and I jammed on the acoustic electric guitars for a while it was really a good time. I gave him my other capo because I didn't really want it, what do I need two of them for?

My garden is gorgeous. I named my zuchinni plant Zeus. It's getting pretty big, and today I planted the cucumbers. I think I need a group name for all of the bush beans. My big tomato plant (the one that grows big tomatoes, because it's definitely not the biggest) is now named Norton and I gave him some fertilizer today because he needs to catch up to the other two plants. I have little Grape tomatoes already, as well as little grapes on the grape vines. As for the apples there are so many of them on most of the trees that they are already falling off and they're not ripe at all. However, there are no cherries at all because the tree bloomed to early and got frosted a couple of times. Poor cherries. The spinach and lettuce are good, thought I think the spinach it probably close to done. Also my pepper plants looked a little under the weather, they're not as big as I think they should be, so I gave them a little fertilizer with their water. It was good for them, now I am thinking I'm going to climb into my bed and sleep in tomorrow. Mmmmm, sleep.

The Aforementioned Eric Rant

So, I mentioned earlier that I would be ranting at some point about Eric and that whole situation. So let's start at the very very beginning.

We all really got to know Eric our first year at camp Horizon. He seemed like a great guy, he was funny, in a kind of a mean way, but funny as long as it wasn't directed at you, y'know. So, it went the same way that the rest of the relationship with the guys went, we were all really close, Eric still made inapropriate jokes at people, but not to us for the most part. As time went on he decided to pick on Krystal, he made fun of her more and more. She put up with this like a good sport and most of the other guys made fun of her a bit to, I think at one point it did go to far, and it felt like she was bearing the brunt of all of the guys teasing. This was about the time when Eric and Audrey started having their make-out sessions. It didn't take more than a few weeks for everyone to know what was going on, but Eric still never tried to form anything more concrete with her, even though Audrey kept hoping for it. Finally, that ended and things started to get weird between Audrey and Eric and he stopped coming around so much anymore. Everytime he came to hang out he'd make cutting remarks to Audrey that really hurt her, because Audrey still cared about him and hoped that maybe he would talk to her, but that never happened. Then over the summer, our second year at camp, Audrey met another boy who she thought she might like, he was sweet and pretty cute and had come up from Florida, but the boys didn't like him, because they still in some part considered Audrey to be connected to Eric in some way. They ostracized him and made things basically miserable for Audrey by not speaking to her, meanwhile this boy tried to play Krystal and Audrey against eachother, which eventually backfired with neither of them liking him like that and now we all joke about him, but still, it put tension into the group and that was basically the splitting apart of what it had been. Eric kept hanging out with us less and less and when he did come his remarks became more and more cutting towards everyone. In about September of last year, Audrey met another boy, named Jack, they made out once or twice during our drunken debauchery in September, and eventually, Jack asked her to be his girlfriend, this made Audrey SO happy, and Jack treated her (and still does) like a queen. But this kind of made it come into Eric's mind that he should come and hang out with us on occasion. When he showed up he was totally inappropriate, touching her in ways that a friend wouldn't touch, emphasizing subtle claims of ownership, doing the things that boys do when they want to mark territory that they've want to say "I've been there, whatever you're doing, I've already done it and there's nothing you can do about it" Jack definitely did not appreciate it at all. Jack felt threatened, no one had told him about the thing between Audrey and Eric and he wasn't sure he could deal with that. Now everytime we hang out with Eric it seems that he is purposefully aggravating Jack. Jack has a bit problem with Eric (more than a little bit of a problem actually) because he doesn't think that Eric is respectful of women in general. Now there may be some more stuff that has gone on there that I don't know about. Now a few days ago Eric went on a 'walk in the park' with one of Jack's best friends recent ex-girlfriends (something that no one's really sure is over yet) and I don't know if that means you know, just a walk in the park, or if it means something else entirely (knowing Eric something else entirely is more likely) and I don't think Jack's friend knows, but I know some people know who aren't to happy about it, and these people don't have any problem beating the shit out of Eric, or any great love of Audrey ( not that they don't like her) that will stop them from beating the shit out of him...and, I personally, don't think I care to stop them. When Eric is around I just don't feel comfortable, I feel like anytime I open my mouth it's an invitation to be attacked by him. So...I'm just trying to help everyone sort out how they feel about it. Jack would love it if Audrey would severe all ties with him. But Audrey feels some kind of obligation to stay friends with him and hasn't so far every brought herself to talk to him about the issues...

so that's it...I wish I had an un-biased source that I could go to and explain this all to, just so they could look at it with an unprejudiced eye and tell me if what I shoudl really tell people...gah...drama

Throw your...Heart to me...

SO...I've decided that the reason that I can't sleep is because my mind is much to full of this entire weekend and all the things that have run through it like a dump truck. So let me start at the beginning...

FRIDAY

this day started off with me going to Spanish and then skipping the rest of my classes to come home and get ready to go to Sarah's Birthday party out at the family's Birch Bay property. It was pretty cool, we got there, set up, made my mom and her friend drinks, went back because we forgot stuff. Around 7pm other people finally started to show up, a few of sarah's friends were first, Kat and Noah, and then Amber, and Aaron, Finally my friends showed up at about 7:45, later than they said they would be as usual, but there none the less. Lacy couldn't stay the night as originally planned because her dad needed the car in the morning...so Krystal, Mary, and I took the back room of the cabin and left Audrey and Jack the front room. Jack's so funny he actually had to make the bed. Then Kat and Noah invaded and Jack came and found me because they were messing up all his precious work on making the bed (not that it really lasted anyway) We all ended up in bed kind of early around midnight or so, because, well, the week just kind of wipes you, y'know?

SATURDAY

So, we started off Saturday morning by waking up at 10:30 and making some delicious Hershey's waffles in the waffle maker and then going and jumping on everyone else to wake them up. I didn't sleep very well, but a lot of people apparently slept like rocks...it was way to hot in the cabin for me because Krystal insisted upon having the heat turned on...crazy girl...at about 11:30 Audrey, Jack, and Krystal decided to head home because we were going to head out to Pt. Roberts later that day to have a party at Barrett's house. About an hour later I decided to do the same thing, because I was in desperate need of a shower. I lazed around the house all afternoon, until 7pm rolled around and I went to meet everyone at Dairy Queen to head out to the Pt. we got up into canada and over down to Pt. Roberts (which is still WA, you just have to go through canada to get there, it's all very strange and you have to go through the border twice) we went to the store and bought some beer and bitch beer and then to Barrett's we went. It's a really pretty little light blue beach house, that's about a block from the beach, the garage has been turned into "Barrett's Hang Out Spot" and the rest of the house is cute and his mom's (though she wasn't home so we got full range of the place) when we got there, Barrett was talking to this cute little German lady who was like "I don't support drinking, but here's a 20 to go buy yourselves a case" and "I don't smoke pot, but if you could make me some brownies I'd really appreciate it" It was hilarious, and then she told us a bunch of stories that went no where, and then she left. It was cute. So we started drinking about when we got there, I shot-raced Danelle and almost won, she beat me by a hair, but after that I stopped drinking to keep an eye on everyone else. Lacy was busy flirting with guys in the hot tub, and I wandered up the stairs, and talked to Jack about a bunch of stuff that was bugging him (how Audrey's dad can't see how much he loves Audrey and is obsessed with Audrey marrying Nate, and how much he can't stand Eric and just wants to kick his ass and is probably going to at some point) then he and Danelle went on a walk so he could cool down, he was probably in the worst temper than I've ever seen Jack in. The hot tub people pressured Audrey to getting in with them, she got out almost right after she got in, and while we were hiding in the living room we heard one of the guys say "I think it's time for Jack to fly away, and Audrey to come to me!" after that we decided that Audrey shouldn't go in without Jack. At about 1:15, Bryce and I (Bryce was playing parent with me) decided it would probably be best for Lacy to get out (the same guy who was hitting on Audrey was starting to really hit on her) but we couldn't get her out, finally she had to go to the bathroom, and then I just wouldn't let her get back in, I told her she could go in after 20 minutes, if she promised to only spend 15 minutes in there and then get dressed, 14 minutes later she was nearly passed out sitting by the hot tub, so Bryce and I got her up and put her into bed with her bathing suit on, then we went down the road to try and collect Mickey, but he wouldn't let us, so we left him there to wander back on his own, later on they all decided to dance again, and I just laughed my ass off because now the guy who had been trying for Audrey and Lacy was after Danelle, then Barrett and Mickey decided to have a rap-off, meanwhile this guy goes and sits in a chair and pretty much passes out with his eyes open, so Barrett totally gets served in the rap-off and the start a sing off, the guy stumbles outside and passes out on the pavement, Jack goes and gets him and puts him on a couch, Barrett completely wins the sing off and we all drink a little water before we go to bed at 4am sunday morning.

Sunday

Sunday we all end up getting up at about noon, then we head over to this TJ's place for some lunch/breakfast and Jack get's free food (I swear he gets that all the time) and we head home after that back through the border through a half hour wild goose chase in which we get lost, we finally make it back to a spot near the Blaine border crossing and i decided that's it, I'm crossing here, screw going all the way back to Lynden, so I go through Blaine and end up earning my half hour back by making Danelle and Jack wait for us at DQ for half an hour, it was great, after that we all went home and slept because it was about 5pm by the time we got back. Very long weekend

So, that was the adventure that was my weekend...it was good...and lovely, and I think I rather enjoy not being the only parent at a drunken party...it's kind of nice, though apparently Bryce is usually the first one throwing up...he is quite the cute boy, but I've noticed that I find a lot of boys cute lately...I think my next post will be about the Eric situation...that's totally what I should have written my Ann Landers Assignment on...maybe then I'd have a clue as to what to do about the whole thing...I mean, I know what has to be done but...I don't know how to do it in the way that will save the most feelings...gah...I'll explain it all another time...I don't feel quite so full anymore...I think this makes up for the days of not posting