Auld Lang Syne

I have never learned the words to that song. I probably never will...is it french? Should I ask my French cousin-in-law if he knows it?

Last post of the old year, hope you all had a wonderful one and you get everything you hope for in 2011! It's bound to be a great year, filled as it is with trips for me. Hawai'i, Comic-con, and Chicago. I greatly look forward to it and hope you all do too...Now I am all dolled up and waiting for my ride to a party (a drunk driver I am not folks, plus the house I am going to is a 15 minute walk, though that could be longer when inebriated).

And as I do every year, I will get a picture to change my facebook photo into for the new year.

Later internet. See you in the new year blog!

Sent out an SOS call...

In case anyone ever wonders, I title the vast majority of my blog posts with whatever song lyric happens to be at the top of my brain (or that I may have specifically marked out before as being an awesome blog title, or that I haven't recalled using before, cuz often I have the same song stuck in my head for days at a time).

I am very excited about New Years Eve party. I have spent the last 7 or 8 New Years Eves with the same people and I refuse to be anywhere else because it is always a fun and exciting time. Last year we went with a classic: the toga party. It was great, the vast majority of people dressed up, in fact I think we only had one person who wasn't wearing a toga and we ridiculed him roundly. This year it's a 1920s theme. You know, roaring 20s and prohibition and all of that good stuff. I'm excited even though my mother took the dress in a bit to much and now I'm going to have to be really good about the food that I eat for the next week and exercise and stuff so that I can hopefully lost a lb or 2...gah! I'm kind of frustrated with her because the reason it happened is that she just wasn't listening when I explained what I wanted her to do, even though she was nodding and agreeing. And it's not like she basted it. She surged it...so ugh...It still looks really good. Much better than it did at the wedding I wore it to. Now the fringe just needs to be added to the bottom and it shall be done! and I need to assemble my little head band and read up on some 1920s make up application stuff and that's pretty good.

I think that's really all I have to talk about tonight. Perhaps I will make a more substantial blog post at some point. Whoot.

CARIBOU

UGH. I feel kind of horrible and it may be time for more tylonel. I am also not being very good about my diet this week...alas...as long as I don't gain significantly (which hasn't been a problem since starting the metformin) I will be satisfied. However, the cramping which is causing me to inhale tylonel and wish I had brought the heating pad to work is not cool. It's that time of the month (or in my case I try for no more than 6 times a year) and though the cramping is tapering off, it's still kind of awful. It makes me wish I could take my ovaries out and give them a stern talking to. Also, I despise the super fatiguedness. I could go to bed right now and sleep all night, very fitfully, but I could sleep. It would be wonderful.

Other than that Sarah's Ugly Sweater party is on Friday and it seems like it should be a good time. I have to make some crab dip. I kind of want to make gingerbread men as well, but I don't think I have time enough to make them and frost them. Mmmm...gingerbread with cream cheese frosting...mmmmm...

I can't really think of a whole lot more to say today...except it's kind of a Pixies and The Smiths kind of day...Caribou

I promise not to try...

Weird dreams have been plaguing me once more. I think I've been playing too much Assassin's Creed (though I did beat the main story part) and that definitely factors into it. Last night I dreamed I was trying to start myself up as an assassin/thief/general ne'er do well and that my base was my room at the old farm house (which is definitely large enough to make a good base, plus ghost for security). However there was an entire guild of ne'er do well operating out of the shop and the old barn down the hill and they thought I was encroaching on their territory and they did not like that so much and kept sending me strange warnings (a string of what looked like cow hair with a bunch of small dead creatures tied up in it that they hung outside of my window, and someone bit my ankle). A guy I knew in high school was trying to convince me that it was a bad idea to become an assassin type (and I was sorely tempted to agree with him, if the other ne'er do wells hadn't been trying to scare me off, I may have) whilst he was giving me a piggy-back ride through a swamp (oddly similar to a speech he once gave me youngest sister about why she should be careful about how she dressed, though that one definitely didn't happen during piggy back rides in a swamp). That was about the time at which the neighbor decided to turn on some horrible machine and I woke up. Maybe it was an air compressor or something? I hate construction with a passion.

Tonight, my job is making me crazy. Also I want to buy my comic-con tickets already and get that purchase out of the way, because I've got a lot of other purchases coming up. Ticket and room in Chicago in order to go to my cousins wedding (which does mean, alas, that I won't be hitting up Renne Faire for camping this year and I'm a little saddened about that, but family totally comes first).

Other than that I've really got absolutely nothing to say, but I thought I would send that dream there out into the ether. Very strange. I woke up with WTF scrawled across the front of my brain, and then I forgot it and then on the way to work I remembered it again. O.o

I've got a bullet proof heart, you've got a hollow point smile

I completed Nanowrimo, which alas, is not always the same as completing your story. Sadly enough. I wish it was the same, but the story still has a ways to go. I'm fairly pleased with my Nook. I have been reading a lot lately. I have a reading problem. Or maybe just a book purchasing problem. Le sigh.

I don't know what I'm really planning on writing. I've finished all of my christmas shopping for the month and Mary bought a new car that she's very excited about.

Mom is also looking for a house or some property out in Birch Bay. And I burnt myself with refried beans. I think that makes me spectacularly talented.

I am 10lbs away (or maybe a little bit less) from my goal for the end of february, which is totally doable I do believe. I think that the closer we get to nicer weather again I'll drop a little quicker than I do now because I'll be able to walk around outside. I'm not particularly fond of exercising inside, sadly enough. So I try to drop a little and mostly maintain during the winter.

Still no word on when we'll be able to buy Comic-con tickets. They're still looking for a viable way of selling them that won't crash everything. Grarg! Definitely frustrating.

Blegh, I'm too spacey to really right anything. So I'm done now.

If you did it say you did it, if you didn't suck it up and say you did!

Had a lovely 8 days off for my birthday. Only now I'm 25 and that's a little bit daunting. I went to Seattle to go on the Underground Tour, it was pretty great, even though I didn't get the tour guide that I wanted. It's still a really interesting tour of places that you don't often get to see. Also found the coolest toy shop in Pioneer Square with the best coloring books of all time. I got a paisley pattern one and a geometric shapes one and a fairy one. So, I love coloring books ^_^

Other than that I spent the week having super vivid and ridiculous dreams. At least two of them involved zombies (to be expected since I used my B&N gift certificates on some The Walking Dead comic books, they are horribly scary) but those dreams are too far away for me to remember any details.

But then, I had a dream where I was in a camp/school thing with basically everyone I had ever had a class with throughout Kindergarten through high school. And it was a musci class being led by Amanda Palmer and Brian Viglione (YAY!) and I was whispering to my friend Lynae that I thought Brian was super attractive, and she thought I should tell him, and I think essentially Brian heard the entire conversation and then I woke up out of embarassment right as we were all about to head off to health class. This also all took place in a barn with a big sliding door that looked back into a field with a tractor in it. I don't know how that fits in.

I also had a dream that I had a flying pirate ship (I am so bad ass in my dreams). I had to park it above a house and climb down (every house was like it's own little world within a world) I had to do something down there with inverse colored tigers that were ghosts of people or something really bizarre like that. When I climbed back up to my Pirate ship it was under attack and Derek had used a special paste he made from kitty litter to patch the hole and was now trying to steer the ship defensively while Whitney was running around crazily firing off small wooden cannons (half of which were missing) and using wooden tennis rackets to lob things at the attacking ships. At that point it was so weird I had to wake up.

So, I have now summed up my very strange dreams, that definitely rate up there with my mythbusters apocalypse dream (that one was awesome). I really do love dreaming vividly.

I go Christmas shopping tomorrow and I've got to find a way to get myself out of bed by 10am...argh, I am not a get up that early person. However, the crowd should be severely less if I can get to the mall that early...oh life is very very hard. :P

There Will Still be no...Air to Breathe

I don't know if I can really comprehend how much I missed Conan O'Brien being on TV. Seriously, him being back is so amazingly awesome that I can't really cause it to make sense in my mind. His humor is so much better than anyone else on late night TV. I don't know why, he makes me laugh much better than anyone else. And the whole he's a red head thing definitely probably helps on some strange subconscious level.

Reached my word goal for today for Nanowrimo. I'm keeping about 3 days ahead. Which is good. I hope to reach about 21,500 be tomorrow sometime, or maybe a little bit more. It's going kind of slow. I'm really good at the beginning and knowing where the story is going to end, but I'm really bad at the whole middle part, and sometimes things don't go the way I think they are going to go.

Mary and I finished watching Fruits Basket today and I really wish there was more of it. Sad Face. I hope that my Sherlock blu-ray gets here before Christmas. Stupid back ordering. Oh well. I got lots of Barnes and Nobles gift cards for my birthday and intend upon hitting B&N tomorrow after dropping off some birthday cake at my grandparents house. I'm hoping my birthdayness doesn't set me back too much in my diet, but I think if I keep up with the exercising and keep track of my calories that I will be fine.

I haven't watched the second episode of The Walking Dead yet. It's kind of a scary show. And I need to find it online.

I think that's all I have to say. Later interweb peeps. I gotta watch Conan.

Unless you have Friends Among Fish

Writing today has been like pulling teeth. Which could be because I really don't know where this characters storyline is going...AGH! Oh well, it's a first draft and I don't need to know anything and incredible long periods of characters monologueing in their heads is perfectly alright...word count, word count, word count!

Um...finally started reading Black Sun Rising by C.S. Friedman. I may only be reading it because Michael Whelan is the cover artist and I love him...I love him soooooo much. He has done the covers of all my most favorite novels. Which I think says something about his caliber as an artist. And usually it's very clear that he's read an ARC copy of the book before he made the painting that eventually became the books cover. I want my house covered in his paintings. They are awesome.

I really think that's about all I have to say. My brain is awfully blank today...must have been all the sleep I got this morning/last night.

This Ship of Fools I'm on Will Sink

So far I'm keeping up really well with nanowrimo. I'm at 12,000+ words, so that puts me almost 4 days ahead of myself. Which is where I want to be heading into the weekend, since I won't have as much time to write while I'm at work. I don't want to work this weekend...oh well. I feel like I'm not getting out enough, or that I'm supposed to be doing different things. This is probably just all in my head and it's just making me crazy because it's that time of November where I always get kind of crazy and weird emotionally. Blegh. Make it stop please. I like to use nanowrimo as an escape from it and it does seem to keep me from dwelling quite so much. Cuz I'm a big dweller on of things. Le sigh.

I guess it's just an whelming sense of ennui that this time of November brings for me. Because I really don't feel that you can be overwhelmed by ennui, that wouldn't make any sense.

I'm relatively excited to watch the show The Walking Dead. It's a zombie post-apocalypse show. Just what TV needs.

Also had a delicious dinner for my mom's birthday at Sarah's house tonight. Sarah and I spent literally all day making a red wine marinated roast. It was delicious, but I'm not quite sure it was worth all of that work. However delicious it was. The creme brulee was totally worth it however...mmmmm, creme brulee...I loves it.

I really think that's all I have to go on about tonight. I need to organize my bookshelves at some point. I'm thinking by subject and alphabetically. Maybe? I'm not sure.

You're like a buzz, looking for a bee

Nanowrimo is going very well for me so far. My goal is to always be at least a day ahead and this isn't so hard on my days off at all. It's probably going to get harder on my days at work, but hopefully they will decently staffed and I will have some time to write while I'm at work. Because falling behind is what kills me. Also just getting trapped in long inner monologues, and strange conversations between characters. I need more action. Action is a catalyst for stuff! AGH!

Finished a book called The Iron Duke by Meljean Brook...it was a good light reading, smutty, steampunk book. My universe is very flexible so chances are that any book I read this month will somehow bleed into my work. Hopefully in ways that aren't easily recognizable to people who don't either know me really well or have a time line of the books that I am reading.

Also, blew my mom's mind tonight by showing her a clip for Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's rally to restore sanity and/or fear. I showed her Cat Stevens on stage with Ozzy Osbourne and both Stewart and Colbert arguing over whether it was a Peace Train or a Crazy Train and finally deciding it was a Love Train (though Stephen just wasn't sure). Mom kept just being like Cat Stevens...I can't believe this is happening. It was kind of hilarious. Then I blew her mind more because a guy who I went to high school with was on a TV show airing on animal planet tonight (how sad that we don't get animal planet, I promised I'd find it online for her somewhere). It's a show called Lost Tapes where they do little stories about supposed 'lost tapes' from people who got attacked by urban myth-ie animals. So, that should be interesting as he will undoubtedly be the WHITEST PERSON ON SCREEN EVER. I'll still watch it and laugh really hard.

That's about all I have for this evening before I'm back to Nano-ing! Good luck for November party people!

Last Night on Earth

So, in about 45 minutes Nanowrimo begins. I can't wait. Of course, every year I start off with such high hopes, but I do always seem to fall behind. This year I am determined not to. I have a lot of determination. So, my favorite thing to do, a bulleted list of things I am determined to do this November!

• Finish a 50,000 word novel! This will be hard, but it's not impossible because I have done it before, however that was while I was unemployed and I drank caffeine then as well. So, now I am employed and don't drink caffeine. I know I can do it though
• Keep up with my exercise stuff, and progress it further. Right now Mary and I are doing 10 minute videos every day. After another 6 days it is my goal to do 2 of them a day, followed by a day with one, followed by a day with 2 and then repeat that pattern again eventually working up to doing one entire 10 minute solutions video in one day! I know I am very ambitious.
• Get my writing speed up to 500 words an hour. Because I type roughly 60-80 words per minute this is technically well within possible, but rarely does it happen. Because I spend so much time going back and forth and editing. I would like to stop that.
• Have a good birthday. I have a tendency to get depressed around my birthday, and I really don't like it, so my goal is not to do that.

And that is my bulleted list for this month! I think they are reasonable goals. Another goal is to lose another 10lbs this month, which shouldn't be a problem if I stick to my exercise stuff and manage to stay at least close to my diet. Which I overshoot some days and undershoot others. It all balances out in the end. I would rather lose weight slowly and allow my body to adjust, than lose weight quickly. Even the weight I've lost so far makes me feel strangely off balance. My body doesn't necessarily feel as hardy as it always has, it seems like a lot of little things are bugging me. Also headaches that are not cool keep accosting me. I'm pretty sure this is because I carry a lot of tension in my neck right were my neck meets my skull and this causes me to have headaches and sometimes migraines if I stay tense enough long enough. Sarah has the same problem, and it's not unusual for family members to carry tension in the same location. So it's painkillers for me when that happens. Yay.

I've got a vague idea for Nanowrimo this year, it should give me a lot of material to work with if I don't get bogged down in logistics. It's kind of combo sci-fi/fantasy with a lot of room for expansion in either direction. Knowing me it will probably end up more fantasy like than sci-fi like because, well, I gravitate more towards one than the other. Though I do love me some sneaky sci-fi that presents as fantasy but deep down underneath if you peel away all the layers...it's sci-fi way underneath (THE CLOISTER IS A SPACE SHIP YOU FOOLS!) As always though the hardest point for me will be character names. Also perspective. I'm thinking of doing a combo of 1st and 3rd person. MC being 1st person and then doing small sections from other characters perspectives in 3rd person (because sometimes you just need to write from another persons point of view and get away from your MC.) If anyone wishes to join me in my venture I would invite you to friend me on nanowrimo.org and find my username which is Sayasha. As always of course. ^_^ Only half an hour to go!

literal vs. poetical translation

Thinking about things today, like literal translations vs. poetic translation (or translation into the equivalant phrase in English). Just kind of funny that it might literally mean I want to eat your face but the poetic type translation is I want to kiss you or something like that. Just remembering a song I used to listen to that said that. And it was kind of really funny.

Other than that I've started doing these 10 minute pilates videos with Mary every morning and good God my legs hurt from the other day. The arm exercises weren't that bad. But my upper thighs burn like none other. My minimum goal by mid-November is another 5 lbs. Which might be a bit hard with my birthday in there and everything. But hopefully it'll work. I think I can definitely do it. It is hard though. Sometimes more than others.

I've decided I am dangerously obssessed with Sweden (basically Europe in general). If and when I go there I may definitely never come back. I'll end up in Sweden, or Ireland, or some other interesting country just chillin' like a villain. I wonder how hard it is to get a work visa in another country? I'll have to go about looking into it. Maybe. Or maybe I'll just spend my days dodging the international version of ICE ^_^ Mwahahahahahaha!

It's 3 days until I can buy comic con tickets and I am so excited about it! I've got the money just waiting to be blown on it. Tickets are only $105 for all four days which is less than I thought it would be. Though perhaps with service fees it'll come out to almost $120 and then all we have to do it book a hotel (I plan on making one of my RN friends put it on their credit card since um...I don't have one of those and don't intend on getting one for some time if I can avoid it. I love that it always confuses people when they try to find credit history on me and nothing pops up. I do not exist in your silly world of credit you strange people!) And that's about it for me for today!

Later blogverse and the interwebs!

Where am I Going with This?

Enjoying myself on my last day of my four day stretch here at work. It's been a decent few days. I'm glad I'm heading into an off again/on again stretch though. It is kind of frustrating that it's not a solid stretch off, but at the same time one day on/one day off has it's advantages of not making you go extremely batty from being here several hundred days in a row.

Something that's making me really frustrated about work lately is that our bosses at work only seem to tell us anything when we're doing something wrong. There's never any positive feed back. Only feed back for negative things and that's really really frustrating after 5 years of working here. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been told that I'm appreciated by my bosses. That's kind of really lame. Just every once in a while it really starts to bother me.

I've got to be getting back on the band wagon for dieting this week. I haven't gained any weight back but I haven't lost any either for about a week or two now. Lame. I hate dieting but I understand the necessity of it. I'm only 18 lbs away from my goal for Hawaii/ the end of February. Which is definitely reachable and will only be set back by delicious holiday food which is coming up. Oh holidays. You defeat me.

I need to plan a big trip. To Europe. I want to go to Europe in the worst kind of way. So the money saving must start and the planning must as well. I'll have to price out some options, the problem I always have is that the plane tickets are just so stinking expensive. But it is pretty much a 20 hour flight. Of which I spent most of the time sleeping. And flying over that much ocean is severely nerve racking. Seriously. So nerve racking. Argh.

That's all I have for today my dears. Please have a safe and happy halloween if I don't write you all again by then ^_^

Here's the map to my oubliette

So, cousins are up this week. I do love my cousins from Illinois, this could be because I see them so rarely. I love my aunt Ellen and Uncle Herman as well. They are great. Uncle Herman being my dad's only older brother and they look almost exactly alike only Herman is all dark and my dad is all light. Kinda funny that way.

So, went out to dinner with them all the other night. Met Lizzie's fiancé (as he told me one e because he is a boy) who is named Matthew and is French (now say Matt'hue). Dinner was a bit awkward for me. I'm almost up to having lost 30lbs and I kind of feel weird about my body. None of my clothes currently fit me and I really need to invest in a belt. So I didn't talk a lot of the time. Ugh.

However, went out tonight for drinks and some dessert with Sarah &Mark, Lizzie & Matt (John didn't come because he's a recovering alcoholic and it's still really hard for him to be around alcohol since he's only been sober a little over 6 months). We had a blast. Lizzie had finished a bottle of wine before we even went out to New York Pizza. So we all had a drink there and then Lizzie wanted to dance and to give them the out in the county experience we took them to Bobby Lee's ...because it's kind of hilarious there and it was karaoke night. We really got there much to late to put in anything for karaoke. But it was fun none the less. Liz and Matt danced and I swear to you everyone in the bar watched them because Matt clearly dances like a European (meaning he's a guy who can actually dance). It was great. Jack and Greg were there and I talked to them and a few of Mark's friends were there as well. One of them let Matt try on his cowboy boots and it was kind of hilarious because Matt immediately decided that he NEEDED some cowboy boots.

I dropped everyone off being the responsible DD (YAY ME) and felt kind of bad cuz I left Matt to carry Lizzie into the house all by himself. He said he could handle it though.

So that's been my exciting time with cousins so far. They are here til Tuesday so we shall see how it goes! Excitement!

You're like iodine chasing all the storms away

I'm having a lovely day. Not really for any particular reason. Everything just seems infinitely lovely. It could be the fountain I discovered on my walk tonight, it could be the man walking his dog who waved at me (nothing makes me happier than friendly people oddly enough), it could be that I watched both Boondock Saints movies back to back the other night with some friends.

Point is it could be any number of things. And while I would love to sit here and break it all down and analyze like I have a penchant for doing (if you haven't noticed). I think I just might let it be what it is...lovely.

I'm thinking of caving and getting an ipod nano just because it's more convenient that it syncs to itunes. Sorry sansa, you are my love, but you don't sync with itunes and that is incredibly inconvenient.

Still writing a whole bunch...YAY! Though not necessarily on the same things all the time.

Goal: get a new laptop. One that works. Preferably.

New band that I like (okay more like band I've known about for a while that I just got the CD for): USS (Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker) they are pretty much nerd core yet still awesome. Get a little ways into 2 15/16 or Hollowpoint Snyper Hyperbole and you will very much know what I mean. Some of there other stuff isn't quite as cool, but I do still like it.

Now I am DONE! SWOOSH!

Zero Friction

Good morning internets...though it is not morning here I imagine it most certainly is somewhere that the internet reaches. Crazy I know.

It's making me crazy that I can't access hulu on this computer anymore and my queue is getting longer and longer and longer. AGH! I'll have to spend some time after getting a new battery for my car tomorrow to watch it.

Yes, today as I was about to go to work I tried to start my car and it failed to respond. I knew that my battery had been getting close to dead for quite some time now, I had just been putting off getting one because, well, when it comes to car stuff I am kind of lazy. Now I need to load my dad into a different car and make him go battery shopping with me on his birthday >.< Oh well, at least its easily fixable, right?

Other than that I have not much else to say at all today. My cat goes to get her shots tomorrow...oh excitement. This means I should call home and tell them not to set her free! Because otherwise I will undoubtedly have to cancel said vet appt because I cannot find my cat. That always seems to happen at the worst of times.

That's all of my exciting news for now internets...have a good night!

I'll Sing It One More Time for You, But then I really have to go...

I enjoy really long subject lines that don't have anything to do with the subject of my actual post...like I said earlier, just lines of songs that happen to be stuck in my head at the moment.

I feel weird today...like my head is not connected to my body and I'm having trouble focusing...maybe I just haven't eaten enough? I have no idea. It's kind of bizarre and I'm not sure I like it. Throat is also slowly getting more sore. I hope my funny-haha joke about being sick on Sunday is not coming true. Only I half hope it is, because then I don't have to deal with the crappy staffing. Only I don't because that will be two Sundays in a row that I was scheduled that I have called in for and patterns never look good. Blegh. I'll see how I feel when I wake up tomorrow. Because if I feel crappy I'm not going to be coming in...seriously I would much rather be helping Sarah and Dad do siding right now. It definitely sounds way more fun than being here.

I need to finish up some of books that I am currently reading. So in no particular order I shall list them and decide upon my chances of finishing them (whilst making phone calls! I am so multi-skilled!)

• Killbox (Sirantha Jax #4) by Anne Aguirre I think that this book is probably going to be the quickest one for me to get through. It's sci-fi genre and I enjoy the characters, though the author has gotten rid of the promise of hot sci-fi sex that drew me to it in the first place. At least so far there hasn't been any. :( But the story line is progressing lovely and I really enjoy the whole grimspace thing
• Generation Kill by Evan Wright I feel like at some point I'll just start powering through this and it'll end pretty quickly. Since its my current bring to work book there is the off chance that this will be the book that I finish first. I find it fascinating because its nonfiction and the people in it are real honest to god people out there in the world some where who I could perchance bump into someday
• Earth: A guide to the human race by Jon Stewart et. al. Interesting book written from the perspective that humanity has managed to wipe itself out and the only information for what we were is contained in this book and whatever managed to be left behind after we destroyed ourselves in some magnificent fashion. Really kind of hilarious. Those poor aliens are going to be so confused about what the hell humans were. I don't know if they'll really grasp the humor
• The Ambassador's Mission by Trudi Canavan This book is going to take me forever. I tend to think that this author is a bit of a one hit wonder in the sense that I really enjoyed her first trilogy. It was great. Everything since then has been...eh...y'know not as good. Her second trilogy (set in a different world) I couldn't even read. Ugh, then she wrote a half decent book in her first world (I think it was a prequel, and that's why it's only kind of good). This book is also in the original world, but it just doesn't have the right kind of feel and it's going to take my forever. It might get relegated to the books I couldn't get through shelf.
• Bogus Science by John Grant This is one of those books I just cart around with me everywhere to read in doctor's offices and such so I don't expect to get through it anytime soon. It also functions as my back up work book in case I forget anything else. Interesting and hilarious all at the same time as being educational. Just a good book to read.
• Books that I have misplaced: The Wind up Girl by Paolo Bacigulupi; The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan I may never find these again. Who knows where they have gone. But I'll keep them on my list on the off chance that they reappear and I manage to finish them.

So I think that's about all I have to write about today. So glad that I remembered the cord with which to plug in my mp3 player today. Music makes it go so much more smoothly than otherwise. And my head still feels weird.

A Good Time, That's What I'm Here For...

I have a tendancy to title things with whatever song lyric is stuck in my head at the time. I'm really oddly tired today. I'm wondering if this is a side effect of my recent experimentation with EXTREMELY low levels of caffeine intake. So far no horrible migraines that make me wish I could die. A little bit of a low grade left sided head ache on occasion. But that could also be the computer screens as they are not the easiest on the eye balls.

I should be receiving a True Blood comic in the mail tomorrow (YAY!). However, it will probably arrive after I have already left for work (BOO!). I should also get the next 2 discs of Vampire Diaries from the netflix (yay?). Have I mentioned how much I love the largely unused postal system? Its kind of lovely that you can send something to someone anywhere in the world and actually expect it to get there in some sort of a reasonable amount of time. Which reminds me that I should get a birthday card to my friend in Australia...though it will totally arrive late since I believe her birthday is today. It's the thought that counts right? It'll have to be an adorable kitten card because we often discuss our adorable kittens.

Other things to blog about...hmmmm...I'm just kind of keeping this window open as a stream of consciousness thing while I'm here at work because I forgot the thing to plug in my mp3 player and unfortunately the computer won't let me watch hulu anymore (maybe I'll go try one in the back). I also forgot my little writey tablet with the story I was writing on it. I have my other one though so I could work on that. I also have a couple of books with me. It is day 3 of 7 in a row which means that tomorrow is day 4 and that always makes me much happier because I am more than halfway done. I feel like I've been really pro-active in looking ahead at my weekend and knowing what my most likely problems will be and informing the schedulers (well, the ones who are here, how is it that two of them are let off at once for vacation but two staffing clerks can't be? Double standard, yes, I think so) of the problems so that they can get on it. And also bugging my manager so that she can track down the managers who don't listen to their schedulers, or in some cases **coughREHABcough** don't have one and beat them in the head with their problems. I doubt it will do a whole lot, but at least the calls will get put out early.

Enough about work. Work is dumb and I feel like I focus on it too much. I guess I do have to make money somehow...**le sigh** can't I just be independently wealthy? Or not have an obsession with DVDs, books, and video games? Because I'd need much less money if I stopped buying those things. But I love them. Especially books. I consume them at an alarming rate. I bought this really cool book the other day (or at least it seems like it will be really cool) about Peter the Great. I loves me some history. Oddly enough especially Russian history. I should be awesome.

Okay, I really should probably stop now and do my job. Blegh. Oh wells...have a lovely evening everyone!

The Infinite Possibilities

Today I am cataloging things that make me happy.

• The fall sun outside. It's gorgeous and I love the beginning of fall, well, I love most of fall, though occasionally the rain gets to me (usually around my birthday since I am a child of Autumn)
• My signed picture of Kristin Bauer makes me happy. I just look at it and get a dumb grin. Ah the mystical powers of twitter
• I've lost around 25lbs now (weighing yourself when your hair is wet, never a good idea). This means my current diet is working and that makes me happy. It's going to suck when I plateau though.
• True Blood comic book #3 is on its way to my hot little hands as we speak!
• Only 6 more days of work in this stretch? It's totally better than 7.

So, I think that covers it for the things that are currently making me happy about life. However, my computer at work seems to be incapable of accessing hulu any longer and this makes me sad. But I'll get over it. Just one more reason to buy an ipad right? ^_^ I do kind of desire one, but I am not sure I desire to sink the kind of money I am going to need into it...birthday present from Uncle Louis? Doubtful. Forgot to bring my writing to work last night so was stuck reading one of the many books that I keep in my purse. Currently its Generation Kill by Evan Wright(along with Bogus Science by John Grant). I decided I should probably read the book after I watched the mini-series, which was pretty well done and lifted almost directly word for word in some parts from the book. I'm not quite done so we'll see how much of it lines up. At some point I should stack up all the books I'm currently reading and the ones I have yet to read and snap a pic of them all just for the sake of really letting people know how ridiculous the amounts of books I read at once are.

Which reminds me that I should stop at B&N on the way to work today and grab the new book Earth by the Daily Show. They always crack me up and I do kind of want it in hard cover.

Off I go my pretties! Try to enjoy the gorgeous fall day!

The Mysterious Mind of Me

Perhaps this is not clear, but I spend a lot of time thinking about the process of thinking. Such as how I get into thinking about really strange things in my head. I think there are probably several levels of thinking going on in any persons head at any one time. You've got the surface level, where you are thinking about things you need to do and listening to what people are saying to you and participating in conversations and such. The kind of basics level. Then you have another level perhaps below that, perhaps just y'know more like a circle within a circle where the break down of what's going on in the outer level happens. Where conversations get saved for later dissection and it'll throw things at you occasionally out of no where. This level seems to be very active for me when I am driving. I'll just start breaking every other thing down and trying to draw all sorts of crazy conclusions from it. Sometimes, if left to it's own devices, at least for me, this level can do more harm than good when it gets stuck on some crazy paranoid bender of the-world-hates-me-ness. Now deeper within a circle within in a circle of you brain is that level that takes care of all the stuff you never think about and throws random thoughts at you when you're right on the edge of sleep.

So that's my view on my strange meta-thinking type of process. My third ring of mind threw an interesting question at me when I was going to sleep last night...however, first let me make this clear. I am a huge day dreamer, I day dream all the fuckin' time. Like someday I may just lose myself in them and never come out. So, the thought my brain threw at me was this (and I'm cleaning it up a little because my brain is never really very clear on things that far in): When I day dream why am I never a vampire?

And this puzzled me because it is true. In my day dreams that involve vampires, I never am one. Hmmmmm...this made me think that there were probably all sorts of interesting conclusions that I could draw from that about my brain and my self and all sorts of stuff. But more it just made me think. Then it made me think back through TV shows. Could it be because you never see bad-ass female vampires with souls struggling to redeem themselves? Hmmm Joss Whedon? And True Blood has some bad ass female vamps (I do especially love Pam, but Nan Flanagan has the potential to be pretty awesome too) but none of them compare in screen time to the guy vamps (or really in the amount of skin they show, because Eric and Bill have certainly been naked much more). So, maybe there is a lack of bad ass female vamp main characters on TV? And perhaps in books as well? Though Xhex is pretty awesome in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Hmmmm...

And then of course I have weird dreams with the Dresden Dolls in it and Amanda Palmer signing my ukelele...weird. My brain has way too much time on it's hands is my conclusion and I need to read more and watch less...well, probably watch less True Blood, but then I would just read more Sookie Stackhouse novels and it would end up pretty much the same.

Also I have officially lost 20lbs since June according to my mother's scale. WHOO HOO!

Later, next time I will try to explain something not as convoluted as my thought process. And I abhor proof reading which is why this blog will stay as poorly edited as it is. So there. You can't make me proofread! (Also the reason I shall probably never get anything published, ironically enough).

The Suburbs

The title of this blog reflects the CD I am listening too right now (or at least when I drive around in my car). It's the new one from the Arcade Fire. I'm enjoying it. It's one of those CDs that sounds mellow but it subversive. My favorite kind. It also gets better the longer you listen to it. And it has 16 tracks which means that you're really getting your monies worth out of it. I always feel like explaining the titles of my posts. Don't know why.

Things I've been contemplating lately:

• Going to San Diego Comic Con next year. I do believe me and some friends from work are planning to road trip down there so we can see all of our most favorite stars. Or at least y'know, some attractive actors.
• Hawaii at the end of February/beginning of March. I am very excited to go. I haven't been on a plane in a really long time, much less been anywhere out of the state. Basically I haven't been anywhere out of the state since 2008, which was the last time I went to California. And that wasn't super fun. Interesting and educational yes, fun, not so much. So I'm really looking forward to a fun trip.
• I started my meeting with Northstar this past week and we do a bunch of stuff tomorrow and then I start on the diet that we conclude is best for me and hopefully my weight loss gets a big boost. Not that I've done badly over the summer, having dropped nearly 20lbs in 3 months, but it'll be nice to have some accountability and I think it will keep me much more motivated. (Goal weight is 250lbs by Hawaii and 225lbs by comic con! Totally doable in my mind.)

That's about all I can think of to write about at this point. I've been writing quite a bit lately, though I don't know if I want to say that because when I do my writing seems to dry up for a little while. But we'll see if it does. I hope not. I've also been watching a lot of Criminal Minds. Great show that one. I do enjoy all of the actors and I am really sad that they cut JJ's character entirely out of the season that starts soon and that Prentiss (the only other female agent) is only contracted for half of the episodes. That leaves Garcia as the only full time female cast member, and while I love Garcia, don't get me wrong, I feel kind of gipped out of female FBI role models. Now all we're left with is freakin' Covert Affairs and a rogue Nikita. Come on guys. Give me a break. Super lame.

I am ridiculously excited for TV to start up again however. I love my non-reality tv shows with something that borders on really obsessed. I don't watch reality tv because if I'm going to devote an hour to a show I want to lost myself in not reality. Not watch a bunch of rich, spoiled people argue with each other. That makes me crazy. I want to watch Chuck, or Psych, or y'know anything else that's not reality Tv (except maybe project runway...Tim Gunn is awesome after all).

So until I desire to rant on and on again interwebs. Have a nice day

Red Eye Liner

So, I am exhausted. I haven't been this tired since I quit caffeine cold turkey in January nad I'm starting to get a head ache as well. Absolutely miserable. Forgot to put the aleve in my bag so now I am super miffed at me. Ergo the fact that it's going to look like I'm wearing more and more red eye liner as the week goes on. I hope that the construction people decide not to work on Saturday, I'm building up what must be one hell of a sleep debt.

So, I've been remembering something that is cracking me up. The remembrance is brought on by the scene in True Blood where Alex Skarsgard wears a skirt. The commentary says that apparently he really enjoyed wearing a skirt. Which brings me to my remembrance of tall guys who like to wear skirts. I had this friend who worked at camp Horizon with me. His camp name was Samson, and we discovered the first year there that Samson loved to wear flowy long skirts. He was 6'4" our first year at camp and I'm not gonna deny that I had a little bit of a crush on him (he bit me, what can I say?) Unfortunately Samson also did and dealt a ton of drugs, which made him cool for hanging out with, but not dateable since I do try to stay away from drug dealers. So, the specific story of Samson in a skirt that I am remembering is not from my first year at camp, but my second year. Samson grew two inches in a year, came back and was 6'6" (freaking huge, also still attractive) and one day we decided to have a contest where us girls shaved some of the boys legs to see how fast it could be done (the campers always found gender bending extremely amusing). So Samson's legs got shaved. We only did up to the knee. Of course then he borrowed the razor and finished the rest himself. This was Friday afternoon before our evening dance and Nora and I decided that Samson needed an appropriate outfit for his newly shaved legs. We supplied him with a jean mini skirt and a very attractive red plaid top. I don't think any photos of this outfit exist, which is much more the shame. There was a camper there that week that had already decided that Samson was his boyfriend, so Nora and I spent much of dinner and all of the dance protecting Samson from the camper that wanted to kiss him. Which was really fun for both of us because it involved a lot of smacking Samson around and grabbing his bum. Obviously greatness. After the weekly dance we always went to the camp fire and sang the end of the week songs, all of the counselors standing in a line with our arms wrapped around each other sharing our favorite memories of the week about our campers. Nora and I stood on either side of Samson, hands firmly grabbing his bum. He was getting a little pissy at that point because he was too tall and couldn't reach our bums.

No doubt we probably paid for all of that later in an impromptu night time wrestling match. But it was all good fun and I've been thinking about it the last few days and laughing really hard. Probably half from lack of sleep and partly just because I am crazy. I wonder what happened to Samson. I heard that he ended up going to drug & alcohol rehab a few years ago and I hope he's doing okay. He's the only man who's ever written me a dirty poem. It was so great. I'd love to look him up again, but I'm afraid he was in such a drugged up haze back then that he would hardly remember me at all. So sad.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest I feel much lighter. All those worries about people who you don't really know. Such a strange, surreal world I live in.

OH MY FREAKIN' GOD

So, camping this last weekend (Friday through Monday morning at Birch Bay Family property) was amazing. Such a great time had by all, despite me sustaining the worlds worst sunburn on Saturday through being a dumbass...however, two more days and it will all be tan, so no biggy.

the title of the blog is in response to my hormones which are going freaking crazy. UGH. Not that it's a horrible thing to want to jump the bones of every man you see (yay for my house being surrounded all day by predominantly attractive construction workers with no shirts on) but seriously! It's getting a little old. However, the liberal application of Sookie Stackhouse novels is probably not helping the case at all. This is the second month on the birth control and I definitely feel like I have hormones again...were as I used to hardly ever feel like I had hormones at all. I might have to watch Legion again.

I've been writing quite a bit on a story that is so completely an x-men rip off (all it takes to make it a fanfic is bringing in a x-universe character) but I'm enjoying it and sometimes you just have to write something that you enjoy.

Summer weightloss is going fairly well, I am at a solid 8-10 lbs and have figured out a good system without having to sacrifice the foods I like at the moment. I eat something when I get up, have a light snack for lunch and then a larger dinner. This seems to work fairly well, even though it's often rather cheese heavy (because I love cheese).

All I have for now blogisphere. Don't party too hard while I'm gone.

My angst problem...

Every once in a while I get this feeling. It's a hard feeling to explain. All I want to do is watch super angsty things, which naturally leads me to really bad horror films since they're normally more angsty than anything else (or really campy horror films which I just love anyway).

I watched Legion. And then immediately had to go out and buy Legion because I loved it that much. This is entirely the combination of Paul Bettany's super hotness (he and Alan Tudyk where really the only things that made A Knight's Tale bareable), and it's super campy horror with angst nature. It totally heightened that fuzzy feeling.

It also makes me want to write super angst ridden fiction. Which usually leads me to writing near x-men fan fiction types of stories. Because there is lots of room for angst there. However now it's also lead me to watch True Blood. Which is also pretty angst ridden. AGH. I have an angst problem everyone. I just needed to get that out there into the universe. It needed to be said. definitely. Thanks for listening.

And I still totally think that Paul Bettany counts as a red-head part of the time. Just like Alan Tudyk.

Summer Colds

Happy solstice day everyone! I wish it was a little nicer, but it's definitely nice enough. I may head out to the trampoline in a bit.

I have an awful summer cold. I hate it. It's not so bad on the cold meds but it makes me a little miserable and makes 8 hours shifts truly miserable by the end of them. Ugh, not to mention that all those stupid questions people ask are 10 times more annoying when you're struggling with just trying to get words out of your mouth that don't sound like you've been playing the chubby bunny game.

I need to work on my ukelele song. The first verse is not quite right. It might be right for another song, but not for the song that it is currently attached too. I'm also going to a girls night thing tonight with some girls from high school. That should be interesting and a little nerve racking. Oh well, I'm sure it will be fun!

Mistakes on the part of Nature

I struggle a lot with not feeling like I'm important to people. I don't know why this is. I know it's not true. People don't need to be paying attention to me or invite me to everything for me to feel important, but sometimes, a lot of times, I just tend to feel ignored or left out. I'm of the opinion that it is completely my fault because people really aren't ignoring me that much. I'm just considering every activity without me ignorance and that is not necessarily true. Who wants to spend all of their time around me? I mean, there's no one I particularily want to spend all of my time around. So why do I feel like this? ARGH! It's really very frustrating. I hate it. i'm working on it, but I really don't know how to get better at it. I figure maybe I just need to widen my circle of friends? At the same time some days I just like to have my time to myself and more friends means more time commitments. ugh. Life is confusing. And it makes me crazy. I need to chillax.

Blue Veins

Tonight has been a decent evening at work. I am so glad that I only have one more evening shift after today before 4 days off. I am eager to see the people that I do not see during the week. I really miss Christa though. I hope she comes up for a while this summer, and it would be awesome if she came camping with us.

I'm still waiting to see what Audrey wants for a house warming present. And I miss Sarah's b-day BBQ tomorrow. Bummer.

I put on music tonight and that seems to have calmed my brain somewhat. I like calm brain, it's much nicer than my usual thinking of a thousand things all at once non-stop brain. I am so tired of being at work that I can barely type accurately. Ugh. Awfulness.

I cannot wait for the canoes for ski-to-sea on Sunday. Totally my favorite part of that race. The canoe paddlers are such cards. I hope it doesn't get canceled because they decide that the river is to high like they did last year. Because I was all prepared to watch them last year and then they canceled it and I was bummed. This year though, I shall tell them that there must be a canoe leg. Because I need it yo.

I feel like making something epic. But I do not know what I could make that is epic. So I'll just settle for puzzling it out right now. Maybe I should make an epic scarf. Or work on my cross stitch stuff somemore. I find needle work very relaxing, but not something you should do when you are uber tired.

Til later party people.

Comatose...

I've decided to move back to this blog over here just because I like the feel of it better than livejournal. Livejournal feels way to commercial now, especially if you don't want to pay for any of their services. Don't get me wrong, I'll still check in over there from time to time on my friends list, but I probably won't post.

I've just been feeling the need to blog lately. I don't know where it comes from. I'd say that 80% of the time journaling for my own self is enough. (Heaven forbid anyone ever try to read my journals in chronological order, because I switch books as the mood strikes me, it's a weakness, what can I say?)

It's becoming summer slowly here in the Northwest and I love it so much. Each day brings new and exciting plants to life and bloom and all the greatness. I just like to sit outside and enjoy it. However, I'm in the middle of an 8 day stretch at work that I signed up for like and idiot and I'm exhausted and thus not really enjoying much of anything.

I went to an Evelyn Evelyn/Amanda Palmer/Jason Webley/Sxip Shirey concert last week and it was amazing. It was so much fun. I have never felt so much in touch with everyone in the venue. It was great. Especially since it thinned out a bit at the end and all that was left were the people who felt like this was the place that they wanted to be. It was epic. It was something I would do again, anytime, anywhere. It made me feel so great. And you know it's an excellent show when you come away feeling better about yourself and like you've just been seriously entertained.

So, struggling with a lot of people issues lately. Just feeling alone and like I have no one to do stuff with. Which is usually largely my own fault because I don't call people and just dumb shit like that. And I don't feel appreciated, even though I know that it isn't true that I'm not appreciated. I'm trying to figure out who I don't feel appreciated by, and it's not anyone that I can put my finger on, it's just my vague feeling of meh-ness. I want to run away sometimes, but I don't really. Because running away would be hard and I don't feel like I ever do anything hard anymore. Grrrr...I also think it's because I don't have enough music. I need more music. And more art. I always wonder why I don't paint or carve or sculpt or do anything like that. And I'm finding more and more people annoying at work and getting really easily aggravated (which could also be the working 8 days in a row thing).

I just don't know what I want to do right now. I want to do everything and that's paralyzing me so that I end up doing nothing.

Frustration.